How do you watch a woman who's had such a beautiful life lived for The Lord suffer so much in her last year of life and spend it in so much pain and sickness? She's your best friend - she took care of you when you were little and now you are taking care of her. How do you watch her struggle in her last days of life before Jesus takes her home? How do you sit by her bed and know that these are the last days of her life? How do you leave after each visit, wondering if this is the last time you'll see her and wanting to stay forever?
How do you spend three years of your early 20s knowing for sure that your life will turn out one way, only to find out that after all the certainty that God might have other plans and He puts you back at square one?
How do you watch the most innocent creature in the world grow old until she loses her fight with cancer and you don't make it home in time to comfort her one last time and you have to see her like that...?
Through all these, good has come.
It's true that the Lord gives and takes away.
The weekend that we found out that my uncle had cancer, Brooke told me she was pregnant with Lovelyn. Such bad news and such good news.
Right before Kenneth passed away, our family welcomed a new little baby - my cousins'.
Right before Honeygirl passed away, Emery came into my life.
These things don't make the situations any easier, but they are reminders that we are given constant provision and will never be given more than we can handle - and God will not take things from us without reason or helping us through.
I remember telling Grace a few months ago, "All these bad things are happening to me. But I'm not worried about them. I feel like there's something wrong with me! Of course there are times when I'm really upset, but for the most part, I just have faith that it'll all work out."
She told me, "No, that's a good thing!!!"
This has definitely been the most trying year of my life. So many trials and difficult situations have come my way - things that would normally break me. But I've been more filled with joy than ever. Because of what God has done in my life as a result.
"Even if the sky is falling down, I know that we'll be safe and sound."
Everything can fall apart, but if we have Jesus, we are safe and sound.
The main purpose for writing this is this question:
How would I have dealt with these situations if I didn't have Jesus??
I honestly don't know.