Monday, September 29, 2014

Wake Me Up

.........."All this time I was finding myself and I, didn't know I was lost."

This morning I was listening to the "Wake Me Up" song by Avicii and Aloe Blacc that came out last fall. That song always reminds me of Boone and always will. It came out right when we moved into our apartment for the year and it played on the radio and on my iTunes nonstop during one of the most precious and memorable seasons of my life. Whenever I hear the song, all I can think about is how glad I am that I had that experience and how different my life would be if I hadn't.

I remember being so worried and conflicted AND SCARED OUT OF MY MIND about my decision on where to go for graduate school. Looking back, Appalachian should've been the only choice. It shouldn't have even been a dilemma, knowing what I know now. Being in Boone and having the experiences that I had and making friends and growing like I did, that's something that will stay with me forever. 

As much as I miss living in Boone, I can't think about it without smiling and being so HAPPY and so THANKFUL! There is no feeling like the feeling you get when you KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you trusted God to guide you to make the right decision and can see how it all played out perfectly because you let HIM orchestrate it. Oh my gosh, He's so good. 

He is better than anything else you could chase to find happiness, and I just want everyone to know that - and to know that if you trust HIS plan for your life, you really can't go wrong. In fact, it'll all turn out so much better than you expected, even with scary twists and turns along the way. 

It's so worth it. 


Thursday, September 25, 2014

See You at the Pole

"See You at the Pole" has been something that I always kinda took for granted when I was in school, especially private Christian school for elementary and middle school. I thought, "Why pray at the pole when we pray in class every day?" And even in high school, I would go, but I never really got too into it... I was saved and all of my friends knew it, but I wasn't a living, burning, PASSIONATE testimony for the Lord like I could've been.

Now I help lead FCS (Fellowship of Christian Students) at the high school I teach at, and let me tell you, these kids are ON FIRE!!! We worked on planning See You at the Pole for weeks, and they were so excited to do it. It really touched my heart and made me feel ashamed of how much I took for granted when I was in school (and still do). Ashland, a fellow teacher and the leader of FCS did a fantastic job of heading it up but letting the kids organize it the way they wanted to, and supporting them in how the wanted to do it. The youth pastor from my church, Robert, came and brought Krispy Kremes for everyone, and leaders and a pastor from other churches came to support as well. 

We went in a circle and prayed, and I told my youth group last night, "I had an awesome prayer planned that was gonna make everyone cry, but by the time it was my turn, I was about to cry myself, so that didn't happen." But y'all, the reason I was almost in tears was because I was OVERWHELMED with joy at the prayers I was hearing from students, teachers, and even the school resource officer. These prayers were so earnest, so genuine, so precious. God was there. He was there with us, and those kids were SO inspirational to me. I am so proud to not only mentor them in FCS (Disclaimer: ****BEFORE and AFTER school hours****), but also to call them fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I cannot wait to see what they do this year and how they impact our school.
Heart full.


Just Felt the Need to Write :)

It's 2am.
I accidentally took a two hour nap from 10-midnight.
It's a school night.
I have to get up in about 4 hours.
I've been working on grades.
All I want to do is bloggggggg!

Today was See You at the Pole in schools all over the nation, and I got to be a part of a very special SYATP at the school I teach at. I'll write more about it later today, but my heart is full from the experience. :)

FALL is finally upon us, and I'm pretty excited about that. I'm so excited about football games and spending time in BOONE and wearing scarves and pumpkin-y smells and holidays!

I love my puppy. She's cuddly and sweet.

I'm getting more ideas for my memoir that I'm writing, so I'm HOPING to get some free time to work on that!

I'm really enjoying listening to Christian music now more than ever, and so happy about how it makes me feel!

I'm IN LOVE with my small group of precious, funny, sweet, adorable middle school girls at church - I missed Word of Life and having a small group when I was in Boone last year!

So that's what's going on with me at the moment. :)


Saturday, September 20, 2014

What Your Soul Needs

I saw this and it hit home. My mind wants a lot of things, and lately I've been asking God why I don't have certain things my mind keeps telling me I should have. These are both things I used to have that I no longer have and things I've never had before. 

But if i stop chasing what i think i should have based on what I feel is best for me, I'll trust God fully let my desires go and therefore be open to the things that God has for me. Only He knows what's best and has had a plan for me since before I was born. 

Over the past month I've been working at this and I've gotten a lot better with it. I've learned to let go of what my mind wants and believe with my whole heart that God will give me what my soul needs, whether it comes packaged the way I think it should look or not. 

Sometimes the best things come disguised as bad things, and these are the things that help us grow the most. 

First World Problems

My bathroom in Boone was the exact same layout as my bathroom at home... Same layout, but the one in Boone was SIGNIFICANTLY larger. So after being in that apartment in Boone for a year, I'm used to having more space. Being back at home, I've been bumping into things in my bathroom and getting so annoyed with not having enough space.

I don't have enough room for all my clothes and jewelry and shoes and I don't have time to blog and I don't get to see my friends as much and I don't have time to paint...

First world problems. 

Lord, help me to be thankful that THESE are my "problems" and to realize that in the grand scheme of things, they aren't problems at all. Because there ARE people in this world that would give anything to call these things "problems."


Thursday, September 4, 2014

Controlling My Thoughts

When I think of the term "controlling your thoughts," I typically think of guys controlling less than pure thoughts. I know that's stereotypical but it is what it is. It wasn't until recently that I really realized how much I need to control my thoughts. No, I don't have a problem with what I'd originally thought of as impure thoughts, but I have been known to dwell on material objects and here lately, I've really been thinking and focusing too much on the past and what I consider to be my problems.

We had a sermon at church in July on controlling your thoughts and the pastor explained that unless our thoughts are uplifting and glorify God, we shouldn't be thinking them. Furthermore, if our thoughts aren't bad, but so consuming that they take away from God and make an idol of whatever we are thinking about, that's not good either. There's something in there for everyone - and I realized what I need to work on. 

I've never had to control my thoughts THIS much before. I remember first realizing in like 2009 how important it is to finally say to yourself, "Just don't think about it." Easier said than done, but that's the only way to get through some things - just don't think about them. Thinking about a problem won't fix it. Dwelling on it will instead eat you up inside. AND THE BIBLE SAYS NOT TO WORRY!!!! :)

A couple weeks ago, I experienced the most difficult time controlling my thoughts when I was at new teacher training and someone from the county spoke and at the end of her speaking, she showed a picture on the huge screen of her daughter graduating from Appalachian. I'm already about two seconds from tears at all times for the past few months, and here I am sitting on the front row with giant crocodile tears welling up in my eyes as all the memories of ASU and Boone and my graduation came flooding back in one millisecond and I literally almost bit my tongue off trying to keep my tears at bay. I remember thinking "YOU HAVE TO START THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE RIGHT NOW. STOP!!!!!" and it was so hard...

Then at a staff meeting, we had to write down where we went to college, and I wrote "High Point University, BA English" and then when I wrote "Appalachian State University, MA Reading, those same crocodile tears came back to try and haunt me but I forced them back behind my eyeballs.

Since then, I've been super busy so it's been a little easier to not think about things that make me sad, but it's not a breeze! I still miss Boone with every fiber in my body. I still think about other things in my past that I can't seem to let go for some reason. Also, I realized it was a year ago today that me, Kacie, and my brother moved into our apartment in Boone and I SO LONG for those carefree, exciting days! I have to keep reminding myself to remember those beautiful times but keep moving forward and DON'T THINK TOO MUCH!!!

(I know the answer is yes.)