Thursday, September 4, 2014

Controlling My Thoughts

When I think of the term "controlling your thoughts," I typically think of guys controlling less than pure thoughts. I know that's stereotypical but it is what it is. It wasn't until recently that I really realized how much I need to control my thoughts. No, I don't have a problem with what I'd originally thought of as impure thoughts, but I have been known to dwell on material objects and here lately, I've really been thinking and focusing too much on the past and what I consider to be my problems.

We had a sermon at church in July on controlling your thoughts and the pastor explained that unless our thoughts are uplifting and glorify God, we shouldn't be thinking them. Furthermore, if our thoughts aren't bad, but so consuming that they take away from God and make an idol of whatever we are thinking about, that's not good either. There's something in there for everyone - and I realized what I need to work on. 

I've never had to control my thoughts THIS much before. I remember first realizing in like 2009 how important it is to finally say to yourself, "Just don't think about it." Easier said than done, but that's the only way to get through some things - just don't think about them. Thinking about a problem won't fix it. Dwelling on it will instead eat you up inside. AND THE BIBLE SAYS NOT TO WORRY!!!! :)

A couple weeks ago, I experienced the most difficult time controlling my thoughts when I was at new teacher training and someone from the county spoke and at the end of her speaking, she showed a picture on the huge screen of her daughter graduating from Appalachian. I'm already about two seconds from tears at all times for the past few months, and here I am sitting on the front row with giant crocodile tears welling up in my eyes as all the memories of ASU and Boone and my graduation came flooding back in one millisecond and I literally almost bit my tongue off trying to keep my tears at bay. I remember thinking "YOU HAVE TO START THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE RIGHT NOW. STOP!!!!!" and it was so hard...

Then at a staff meeting, we had to write down where we went to college, and I wrote "High Point University, BA English" and then when I wrote "Appalachian State University, MA Reading, those same crocodile tears came back to try and haunt me but I forced them back behind my eyeballs.

Since then, I've been super busy so it's been a little easier to not think about things that make me sad, but it's not a breeze! I still miss Boone with every fiber in my body. I still think about other things in my past that I can't seem to let go for some reason. Also, I realized it was a year ago today that me, Kacie, and my brother moved into our apartment in Boone and I SO LONG for those carefree, exciting days! I have to keep reminding myself to remember those beautiful times but keep moving forward and DON'T THINK TOO MUCH!!!

(I know the answer is yes.)


1 comment:

  1. I love your blog so cute and well written! Just discovered you and now following!