Tuesday, August 14, 2012

End of Summer Blues

If I'm gonna be completely honest, I have to say that every year around this time, I get a little depressed. Nothing too serious, but I just feel frustration and sadness because the summer is ending, and I do NOT do well with transitions.  Plus, I set SO many goals for myself at the beginning of the summer, and sometimes I don't get to everything (often times because I'm a PROCRASTINATOR).  Sometimes by this time in August, I think of all of the things I wish I'd done differently.  Now LAST year, I packed my summer with day trips, trips to Carowinds with my sister, visits to Grandma, hanging out with friends, etc.  My summer last year was amazingly fun, but I didn't get much done as far as crafting or cleaning my room (which I've been meaning to clean for the past three summers).  I don't remember feeling this bad at the end of last summer, though, because I knew I had done so many fun things and gone places.

At the beginning of THIS summer, I decided I would completely clean my room and get that out from over my head.  I also decided to craft and make lots of things to sell.  I made a list of all of the people I wanted to hang out with. I made a "to-do" list for the whole summer and one from every week.  While I love making lists and they really help me to get stuff done, they can also frustrate and cripple me.  I spent all summer trying to get things crossed off the list, and was so serious about it that I feel like maybe I could've been more lenient and done spontaneous things instead of going by my list.  But I wanted to make sure I got everything done.

Well, my room is ALMOST done now (believe me, it was bad), but not completely.  My goal was to have it done by the end of May/mid June.  I am kind of beating myself up for not meeting that goal, because if I had, I wouldn't still have the room looming over my head. 

I did get to hang out with almost everyone from my list, and catch up with friends.  And get closer to new friends and strengthen friendships.  So that is a huge check mark on my list.

But last week, I started feeling really bad because I haven't taken Ashley to Carowinds once this summer, and I took her five times last summer (we have season passes every year, and Carowinds is a theme park if you're not from NC or have no idea what I'm talking about haha).  I was asking myself why we haven't gone to Carowinds.  We have season passes, and last summer that was our thing.  Our special bonding time. We would go and spend the day together riding rides and hanging out in the wave pool at the water park, laughing and not caring about anything else in the world.  Then stop at Wendy's to eat before riding home and Ashley would always fall asleep on the way back, except the one time that we saw fireworks on the side of I-85 on the way back one night.

ANYWAY, I have been beating myself up about all of this, and although we are going to Carowinds today, I still feel bad for being such a procrastinator, not taking as many day trips this summer, not doing this, not doing that, whatever. 

I wish I had blogged more, gone to the zoo, gone on a day trip to the beach, gone to Carowinds more, .... The list goes on. But I think a lot of it is good old-fashioned end of summer blues.  I always get them. 

Don't get me wrong, I am very excited about Appalachian and graduate school and our season tickets to the ECU football games, and hayrides, and my birthday, and Christmas.............

But summers are so special to me.  And this was the first summer without Grandma, and I was thinking about that last week too.  We went to see her almost every day last summer, but now I feel like we didn't stay long enough... I know maybe that's stupid, but I do! That's just how my mind works - I rethink things from the past and think them over and over until I'm so frustrated with myself.  I cannot change the past, God is in control, and I shouldn't do this, but yet I do.

THIS summer, we actually have gone to Granny's house almost every night from like 10-12 and watched TV with her since she hasn't been able to do much (she broke her hip in June and had to have surgery).  Seeing her expression and knowing how happy and content she is to have us there almost every night is the most rewarding thing.  Not that I was looking for rewards.  But we enjoy going over there and watching old shows with her every night, and she enjoys it as well.  So that is something I will always cherish, and I will miss it a whole lot when there are nights this year that I can't go. 

Another thing I am happy about doing this summer is getting to go to the pool almost every day with Ashley.  We really do have a lot of fun and special times together.
Also, I get depressed this time of August because I ALWAYS want to be in Memphis for Elvis Week, and I haven't been able to go, and this year I reallllllllly wanted to go, and it just didn't work out.  August is such a busy month, and it's hard to plan trips for August. So I think that's part of what's bothering me haha.

And something else just occurred to me - I was so very busy this past semester at school that I honestly just needed a few months of relaxation before starting it all back up again.  Some summers were great for going and doing and being fast paced, but I think what I really needed this summer was RELAXATION, which I got.

Don't get me wrong, I stayed busy.  Every day I have been doing stuff and getting stuff done.  I took a super fun directed study summer class with one of my favorite professors in June and thoroughly enjoyed it.  I spent lots of time with family and friends and Honeygirl.  I've learned a lot.  So I haven't just been sitting around doing nothing.  But right now my mind is playing tricks on me and telling me that haha.

SO, now that everyone probably thinks I'm completely crazy, I want to know - am I the only one that feels this way at the end of the summer? Does anyone else get a little down and wish they had done something differently? I want to know!


1 comment:

  1. I hear you loud and clear! I get so down and out thinking about thinking picking up in pace and the craziness of life coming back. I love Fall for other reasons, but summer holds a special place in my heart and I never want to say goodbye!