Thursday, August 7, 2014

In This Room

Tonight is my last night in my room in my apartment.
I've been dreading this night for a very long time.
I get attached to things easily.
I don't like change.
I don't like goodbyes.
I don't like disassembling things that are perfectly perfect.
...I'm probably the worst person in the world with all of the above. Once I get used to something and learn to love it, I want it forever and ever and I never want to let it go.
I've known for over a year that this would be very, very hard for me, but there's really nothing you can do to prepare yourself for this, when you're like me.
Last night in my journal, I wrote this:
"Boone this past year has been the best thing that could've possibly happened to me. I feel like I've been missing out on it my whole life, but also like it's always been a part of me. It's like home now...
Boone has been like an escape for me - from the pressures of the world and the chaos of it all. It's so peaceful and free.
I'm sitting in my room with the window open and it's so perfect. I can't even describe this feeling. In just a couple of days, all this will be gone. I'll have my stuff, yeah, but this room...
I was the first person to live life in this room - pray in it, to cry in it, to laugh in it, decorate it, to love it, and to use it as a safe haven when the world got to be too much. I've slept soundly in the dark comfort of this room, with the light from outside coming through the window, cried to God from this room, looked out its windows and wondered about my future, read God's word from this room and felt peaceful about my future, taken selfies in this room, spent hours decorating this room to get it just right, felt cozy and warm in this room, cuddled with my puppy in this room, laughed at TV shows in this room, been quiet in this room, worried in this room, been overjoyed in this room, wrote blog posts in this room, talked on the phone to loved ones in this room, watched the snow fall and the sun rise and felt the cool air come in from the windows of this room...
Right now, I'm listening to crickets from this room.
Knowing this room is so temporary for me, spending the rest of my life with this room being just a memory...
Someone like me can't bear the thought of that."




Another chapter ending...
I know that this room is inanimate, without feelings, but I hope everyone else that lives in this room appreciates it and loves it like I have. Will they know what it meant to me? Will they know how much it meant to the first person who called it home? The next person will, if he reads this post haha... But the ones after that most likely won't. And that's okay. This room is in for many, many years of housing people and meaning something to them.
Tonight I will sleep in this room for the last time, and thank God for my time in Boone and how much I've learned and grown because of it.
"If these walls could talk..."

1 comment:

  1. I nominated you for the liebster award! Check out my post about it :)