So I think senioritis has a hold of me in a few different ways. The main way it is affecting me is making me really emotional. I honestly didn't think this would happen to me. I mean, I was really sad to graduate high school when most everyone else was happy and excited. Then I got to college and didn't like it that much at first. I was really frustrated because I couldn't decide where to go, and when I finally did, I changed my mind and decided to transfer to HPU. Well, I regretted that soon after because the whole reason I transferred was because I wanted to live AWAY from home...but after transferring once, it didn't work out to transfer again without losing too many credits, among other reasons.
So I was sour about being stuck in High Point while most of my friends from high school went off to college in different cities and states. They were out on their own, having fun, and I was stuck living with my parents. Looking back, it seemed a lot worse at the time than it really was. But I made the biggest fuss about it, and complained all the time. I always thought, "I can't wait to just graduate, and maybe then I can go to grad school where I really wanna go." You can imagine how I felt when I found out I'd graduate a year late. "An extra year of misery." I thought. It did cross my mind, however, that once I finally made it to the end, I'd regret the way I acted and be sad. In fact, I knew it would happen. That's just how I am. Knowing that, though, couldn't help me shake my attitude. I just couldn't.
Well, now that my senior year is here (finally), things are different...Im starting to really enjoy HPU and connect with some cool people and get more involved. Wouldn't you know that I would be the one to sulk my way through college, grumbling and complaining half the time, and then decide that I actually love it in my fifth year??
Also, in the past few months, I've decided that I really do enjoy living at home. I don't know if this is one of those things that has happened because I realize I'm so close to a life change, or if I really did enjoy it all along and I just wouldn't let myself believe it.
Everyone always made a big deal of me going to college so close by and living at home. "You can't get the full effect of college unless you live on campus" they said. (Or at least away from home, because most state schools won't even let you live on campus after your freshman year.) I wish I hadn't let others' opinions get to me so much, but I know that at the time, I really did crave a more colleg-y experience, and so my complaints were legit. I knew God was keeping me here for a reason, though. Maybe it was to spend so much time with my grandmother during her last few years. Maybe there's a reason that I still don't see. In any case, I can't regret it.
Looking back (again), I didn't just now start having a good time, though. During the fall of 2009, I started doing my own campus radio show, and that was fun. But I still wasn't getting very involved with others. Spring semester of 2010 is when I really started having a good time. I had a radio show with two cool people, Shannon and Nick. They are both from High Point too, so I didn't feel lame around them haha.
Since then, I really haven't hated HPU at all. Have I been ungrateful? Yes. Could I have gotten more involved? Definitely. Do I regret not getting very involved until this year? YES! But I can't dwell on past mistakes. Everything I did seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Besides, I think at this point, no matter what I did my first three or four years, I still wouldn't be ready to graduate and I would still want more time at HPU.
This semester started off a little shaky. After my grandma passed away, I felt really depressed and didn't wanna do anything. Luckily, that only lasted a couple weeks. Then I realized that she's so much better off now, and I started to do more to get involved on campus in an effort to "move on" (for lack of better phrase).
I'm down to like a week and a half left of this semester. Next semester I'm student teaching, which means this is like my last week and a half of regular undergrad school...next semester I will simulate my "big girl job."
So, this is my last week and a half to:
-have hours of freedom during the day
-work out after my 8:00 class (and by that I mean watch Full House on the elliptical in Slane)
-eat lunch with friends
-go shopping with friends during the day
-take Honeygirl for morning walks
-hang out with my mom during the day (don't call me lame!!)
-watch Kathie Lee and Hoda
-run errands in between classes
This may not seem like a big deal to most people, but as a college student, these are things that I've gotten used to being able to do! It's gonna be a big adjustment to go from this kind of freedom to teaching high schoolers from 8-3 every day...and I'm terrified!
Honestly, this whole thing has really gotten me down over the past month. It really has. I'm not big on change, and I was voted "Most Likely to Stay a Kid" in my high school class, so naturally, I don't wanna grow up (thanks guys).
I feel pretty nostalgic knowing that I can't be lazy and live off my parents for too much longer. It's sad! It's all I've ever known! I love it! You can call me lame for that. And pathetic. Whatever. It's just the way it is for me.
Next year (fingers crossed), I'll be going to grad school at Appalachian State. I'll have to live on my own, and I know that once I do, it won't seem like such a big deal anymore. That's how it always is with stuff like this. I get allllll worked up, anticipating and being apprehensive about a big change, and then once the change happens, it's no big deal.
Sometimes it takes me f o r e v e r to get adjusted to one thing/chapter in life, and when I finally do, I'm so comfortable that I don't wanna leave. Then, I move onto the next thing and wonder why I got so worked up.
So I shouldn't get all worked up!!!!
I'm just a super emotional, nostalgic, sentimental, memory-lovin' person I guess. I'm surely not the only one.
BUT, knowing that I have a limited amount of time to do certain things has caused me to make the most of every single day and live it all up. I try to thoroughly enjoy every day. I make plans with friends, my mom, to-do lists, etc. It's satisfying to me.
I just don't wanna have any more regrets.
If you've read this far, I commend you. I'm not trying to entertain, per say. I just need to let these things out!!
Do any other college seniors feel this way? I feel like I'm a special case haha...