Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Funerals // What Am I Doing Right?

"...Lookin' to find a way through the day, a life for the night
Dear Lord, you done took so many of my people
I'm just wondering why you haven't taken my life,
Like what am I doing right?"

I've been to four funerals this year.
Three of them were people who were pretty young.
I tweeted a couple weeks ago, "I've been to more funerals than weddings this year. I don't like this."
But really.
I've actually felt like I'm getting numb to it all, after everything the past few years, and asked God to restore a softness to my heart.

I know at funerals, you're supposed to talk about the person in the best way possible, highlighting the great parts about them and about their lives...

But I'm being totally honest when I say, the people that we have lost this year were some of the closest, dearest, most sincere, and best people my family has known.
The words spoken about them were true, and the impact they made on so many people was wonderful - in good times and in hard ones.

When I was at the pool today, some college kids were playing volleyball and blasting music and one of the songs was "My Life" - a rap song. The lyrics listed at the top (and here) were part of what spurred this idea for the blog post in my head.
"Dear Lord, you done took so many of my people
I'm just wondering why you haven't taken my life,
Like what am I doing right?"

There's a lot I think about as this settles in my mind:

I don't take it as "they were doing wrong, so their lives were taken, so what am I doing right to
get to stay?"

 The way I interpret it, why is God taking good people from our lives when we clearly don't have it together? Why are we given more time on Earth and they weren't?

It hurts to be left behind. It hurts to be lonely. It hurts to want to pick up the phone and call someone and realize they won't answer if you do.

It's easy to question everything when tragedy happens.
But we can't.

Sitting in a funeral two days ago for an elderly lady I loved spending time with, I thought of something:

Instead of being upset when I think about the memories and good times, I have to think about what great people they were and be GLAD I knew them. That's obvious.

I have to live a life that leaves a legacy of good - nothing flashy or showy, but something worth leaving behind.
(I actually blogged about this back in December: )

Earlier this year, I read John Piper's Don't Waste Your Life, and it really opened my eyes up to things that matter and things that don't matter.
Basically, the book talks about how the only thing that really matters in life is loving people and pointing them to Christ. I was very challenged to live a life serving someone bigger than me, and serving others. But we all have lapses and take life for granted sometimes, and I'll be the first to admit I do it all the time.

Sitting in these funerals lately, I've thought about the beauty of life here on Earth, and the impact that was made by these sweet lives I knew. I've thought about how much more beautiful and happy their lives must be now, in Heaven, pain free, with the Creator of everything.

I've also thought about ways I can make better use of my time on Earth, because it is SO precious. This year is proof of that.
And I'll tell you something --

I'm not gonna make good use of my time on Earth by sitting around feeling sorry for myself about situations in my life that are beyond my control.

I'm not gonna let a rough patch keep me from serving others and serving the God that has given me this crazy, beautiful life.

I'm gonna live a life that is worth something - so that at my funeral one day people can honestly say that they were positively impacted by me, whether I was going through the valley or up on the mountain - not for my glory, but all for His.


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