Monday, September 2, 2013

Going on Faith

We had a youth leader meeting at church last weekend and this question/statement was put up on the screen.
It really hit me because it reaffirmed everything I'd been thinking for the past few months.
I'd been thinking that what I was doing was much bigger than me, much bigger than anything I thought I could handle on my own, much more difficult than it needed to be. Yet I had a peace about it because I knew from past experience that God would be with me and wouldn't leave me hanging.
And that everything would work out just the way it should, just like it always had.
Well, with that being said, and all that still on my mind, I saw this quote, and it just made me smile. "This is what it truly means to live by faith," I thought. "This is perfect."
While I was in that meeting, I got two phone calls and voicemails from my mother, which is weird.
Once I got out to my car and called her back, she said my uncle had been admitted to the hospital and I needed to get Granny and bring her up there, but for us not to worry because it wasn't anything major.
I got Granny and once at the hospital, we found out my uncle had cancer. He went from one hospital to the next, and we sat in lobbies and waiting rooms, and it was hectic and confusing but for some reason I had peace.
I kept thinking back to the quote on the screen.
The next day, we found out it was stage four cancer, and they wouldn't know til a couple days later if and how they could treat it. But still I had peace.
I started to get aggravated with myself.  I thought, "How can I not be freaking out? Why am I so 'numb' and void of emotion right now?"
I guess it's because I know that in addition to other things I'm trusting God with right now, I can also trust God with my uncle. There is nothing any of us can do. This situation is bigger than any of us, so they only way to deal with it is by faith - total reliance on God and His will and His plan. 
Just like I'm dealing with everything else.
And when you FINALLY realize that worrying won't fix or help anything, you let go of all that worry, place it all in God's hands, pray fervently, and rest in the fact that
God has it all under control. 

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