Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Word vomit

So on Thursday evening (July 30th), I drove to Boone, went shopping downtown, and then met my family at the apartment that my brother lived in (that we had both lived in for a year together, and he lived in after I left) because they were packing it up and he was moving out the next day. We all had dinner at our favorite Mexican place and then me and my brother went back to the apartment while my parents and sister went back home to HP. I spent one last night in that apartment, that had been a vital part of my life in Boone and growth. So many memories...
Driving home the next day, I cleverly used voice-to-text to write the following. I have not edited it - I think unadulterated "word vomit" is good sometimes. Especially in times like these, when life is overwhelming in good and hard ways, and you just need to get it all out.


It was just an overwhelming feeling. I had so many emotions that I couldn't even identify them all. I went in my old empty room and saw the bathroom and the feeling came over me that I didn't expect to feel exactly. Everything seemed just the way I had left it when I moved out. And it seemed like no time had passed since I have left. Yet a whole year has passed. In that year I have completed my first year of teaching. I have learned even more about the Lord. I have made so many new friends. And I came back to that room after doing all of those things that I was so scared to do last time I was in that room. Last time I was in that room I laid in bed for hours and hours because I was so scared to start teaching. I felt like there was nothing else for me besides what was in Boone. Thankfully I was wrong. I have met so many cool people in this past year and it was really neat to just come back to the same place where I started last summer with a newfound faith that God will take care of me in any situation, no matter how scary it seems.

I fell asleep on the floor for a little while and then I had to get up at about 11:30 and go to Walmart. My parents had accidentally packed up my pillows and blankets that I used when I slept there overnight. So I had to go buy a pillow and a blanket. Going in Walmart, or going anywhere in Boone for that matter, it feels like I still live there. It truly is a second home to me. The mountains provide so much comfort and so much hope for my soul. 

I was laying in the recliner at about 1:30 AM last night and I couldn't fall asleep. The last thing I remember is picking up my phone to blog a little bit but obviously I fell asleep. I just had all these thoughts racing through my head. Memories of the past two years that we spent in that apartment were going crazy in my mind. It hurt, but it's also very happy. Now we have those memories to cherish forever. My brother is moving to a new apartment. We will make memories in that apartment, and I do plan on buying a mountain house one day LOL. 

These thoughts are jumbled, but it's OK. These thoughts caused me to have jumbled up dreams. LOL. I had dreams this morning about church, Southwest high school, and many of my friends. That was the last night that I will ever spend in apartment 204. And I got busy today in Boone and didn't have time to go back and say goodbye. I have to drive home because I have to be somewhere. But maybe it's better this way. I walked out of the apartment this morning in the same Rainbows that I walked into the apartment for the very first time in, almost two years ago. In the same Rainbows I walked up and down King Street, shopping and taking in the mountain air. Those same Rainbows are the ones that I broke in walking up and down King Street with my feet bleeding. LOL. 

Now I am supposedly a professional adult LOL. As I was at Alex's new place of employment with her the other day, reality hit me hard. It seems like just yesterday, but it was 10 years ago, that we used to hang out and talk about what life would be like in 10 years. Now she has her first school counseling job and I am about to start teaching at the high school that we were at when we used to dream about the next 10 years. Even after one year of teaching I don't feel like I'm capable of handling such a young minds and helping mold them. Alex and I have both been given such a huge responsibilities. I don't know why I'm thinking about this, these are just my thoughts driving home from Boone.

I am truly a ball of emotions right now, so please excuse me LOL


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