Saturday, February 22, 2014

Random: That Time in 11th Grade When I Cried in the SW Parking Lot For No Reason

Whenever I leave my second job, I have to pass my old high school coming home.
For some reason, last night, passing Southwest High School, I looked at the dark, empty parking lot and my mind flashed back to something I think of often.
I didn't think of Friday night football games or hanging out after school with my friends.
I thought of the one afternoon that I had to clean up trash in the parking lot for leadership class, and out of nowhere I just burst into tears and didn't know why.
That doesn't sound SO weird, because often, girls cry and don't know why. It's just how we are! But this time was different for some reason.
That semester was one of the best I've ever had - spring 2006, 11th grade. I have such fond memories of that time in my life. I realized that semester that I wanted to be an English teacher. I developed a love for country music that semester. I discovered the greatness of Rascal Flatts. I learned how to go without wearing so much makeup - that it was okay not to wear an inch of eyeliner, or any at all if I didn't feel like it. I started my cowboy boot obsession. I wore a gorgeous dress to prom with some awesome people. I had a solo in the dance recital. I fell in love with HPU's campus, not knowing what it would one day mean to me.
So WHY did I cry in the parking lot for no reason?!
My first thought was because we were reading The Catcher in the Rye in English (my favorite class, hands-down). That book seriously messes with people's heads, and I guess it got mine. Even so, I loved it, and it's still one of my favorites.
Also, there was just so much going on that I couldn't really talk about, and I had feelings bottled up that I couldn't share, and I was trying to suppress them, and I felt guilty for them, and I guess in that moment, everything just came out when I was alone in that big empty parking lot, picking up trash.

I wasn't looking at the bigger picture - I wasn't thinking about how blessed I was and how much I had.
My life was as awesome as it could be, yet there was still that lingering feeling that something wasn't right.
So what does that mean? What's my point of sharing this?
I don't really know!!!!
But you could get a few things out of this:
Even when times are great, there might still be issues that cloud your perception of TODAY. You can't let those things hurt your TODAY. The future will work itself out, and you'll look back on the times that you thought were bad, and feel fondly about them because you'll realize they weren't so bad after all.
Do this by looking at the bigger picture - don't look at your problem as your life - see your life and your blessings and then look at your problem as a small milestone.
Don't read The Catcher in the Rye without being prepared for some sort of meltdown as a side-effect.
DON'T KEEP YOUR FEELINGS BOTTLED UP - tell SOMEONE! You don't have to tell the world, but tell someone you trust. It's not healthy to keep things bottled up.

Pray about EVERYTHING. I definitely could've been closer to God at that point in my life - we can always get closer. But at 17, I didn't rely on Him as much as I should have, and He used that meltdown to literally bring me to my knees to acknowledge and trust Him. Sometimes we need that. Sometimes that's what it takes for us to say, "Okay God, I will let you have control."
And that's my two cents for today!!
Hope everyone enjoys their beautiful Saturday!

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