"Dating Won't Cure a Lonely Heart"

I'm reading the BEST dating book (although I said I'd never read one - but it's a Christian dating book). It's called Boundaries in Dating and it's by Drs Henry Cloud and John Townsend. The chapter I just read is called "Dating Won't Cure a Lonely Heart." This chapter was the shortest, yet most packed with punch so far. It perfectly describes the reasons why I used to date and why they were wrong. I'm gonna write more on this book but I just wanted to share these few things that I highlighted today:

Don't settle and give in to a bad relationship rather than have no relationship at all. -- Don't put up with behavior that is disrespectful. 

Don't give into things that aren't in accord with your own values. 

Don't settle for less than you desire or need. 

Don't stay in a relationship that you know has passed its deadline. 

Don't go back to a relationship you know should be over. 

Don't get into a relationship you know isn't going anywhere. 

Don't smother the person you are dating with excessive needs or control. 

^^These are all things people do when they date to cure loneliness. They always want a relationship and desire it so much that they lose focus of what's really important. 

"Your dating is ruled by your internal isolation, rather than by your God, your goals, values, and spiritual commitments."

You should be "alone long enough to grow into a person who does not have to have a relationship to be happy."

!!!!! "To be happy in a relationship, and to pick the kind of relationship that is going to be the kind you desire, you MUST be able to be happy WITHOUT one." !!!!!!!!!!!

"Cure that fear (of aloneness) first, and then find a relationship."

How? 

Strengthen your relationship with God. 

Strengthen relationships with "safe, healthy Christians." You need God but you also need people. 

"If you try to have a romantic relationship to meet your needs for healing, it is not going to work. You need a support system."

"Be vulnerable" with these people! And with God.

"Many people have a lot of friends but those friendships are not meeting their deepest needs."

"Make sure that in some of these relationships (FRIENDSHIPS) you are allowing yourself to be dependent, have needs, express pain and hurts."

Be ACTIVE!!!!!!!!

The active growing life does not have the time or inclination to be dependent on a date. The more you have a full life of relationship with God, service to others, and interesting stimulating activities, the less you will feel like you need a relationship in order to be whole." !!!!!!!!!

"As you grow spiritually, you are going to naturally be closer to others and get a fuller life. The whole person is not a dating addict. He or she is happy and fulfilled."

Psalm 1:3 --

"He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers."

"The whole life is a full life. And the by-product of fullness is that the fulfilled person is also a very attractive one."

Follow these guidelines and "you will not be subject to saying yes when you should be saying no."

Wow. Good wake-up call. 

Happy Friday! 

eBa