I Will Bring Praise

Once again, Facebook's "On This Day" has caused me to notice something interesting. 

I was thinking earlier about appreciating all of life's seasons, and it's funny how I literally saw extremely different seasons of my life as I scrolled down through "On This Day."

Four years ago today, I was going through a season of extreme confusion, feelings of abandonment, etc. I was in grad school at Appalachian, but didn't live there, so I couldn't enjoy Boone. I remember being in downtown Boone after class one night and sitting in the middle of all the Christmas lights, just crying and reading my Bible in my car. I was wishing I had someone to enjoy the beautiful lights with.

(Fun fact: I got a warning ticket in Boone that day and got another one just yesterday!)

"This is my prayer in the desert, when all that's within me feels dry."

A year later, when they put the Christmas lights up, I was downtown eating at Jimmy John's with my brother and Kacie, who had moved to Boone and we all lived together. I cried the happiest tears in JJ's because I this was such an answer to prayer. Because the Lord is so faithful if we stand firm on His promises.

After a really fun night in Boone with my friends, I drove back to High Point for the weekend and cried happy tears and wrote a blog post about how happy and thankful I was. I was SO happy and everything was so wonderful.

"This is my prayer in the harvest...I know I'm filled to be empty again..."

Two years later (last year at this time), I was going through a season of extreme discontent and almost depression. I vividly remember looking at a picture of myself and thinking "I hate her." 

This scared me so bad. I had never felt that way. I was so ungrateful and discontent and it was awful. I finally opened up about it on my blog because I don't believe we should struggle privately. 

"This is my prayer in the fire, in weakness or trial or pain... Refine me, Lord, through the flame."

Today before I saw any of this, I wrote a post about being so thankful for my job, and how it's what I've always wanted.

I'm also thinking about the Lord's constant provision despite my doubts. 

"No weapon formed against me shall remain."

It's interesting to look back on the years and see the mountaintops and the valleys and how life fluctuates. 

But one thing stays the same - 

"All of my life, in every season, 

YOU are STILL GOD,

I have a reason to sing...

God is my victory, and He is here."

.....................................................................

Just for kicks, here are the posts from those days. Skim over them, if you will.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Ungrateful in the Season of Thankfulness

It's ironic how in the month of thankfulness I have been the most ungrateful. I know that this is an attack from the devil. He knows how much I grew last year in the most uncomfortable place and now I have landed ( God has blessed me with ) dream job number one and I'm too comfortable for my own good, I'm finding that it's so hard to be thankful and grateful. I keep finding different things to complain about and be upset about when I should just be overjoyed at what all God has blessed me with. I'm definitely fighting a spirit of ungratefulness right now and it's breaking my heart but hopefully it will break my heart to the point that I experience growth out of even this. 

Last Sunday I went to Green Street Baptist, the church I grew up in. The pastor that was leading the church when I was young was back for a special occasion (he is now Tim Tebow's pastor in Florida). Dr. Brunson's message was about thankfulness and how so many people are depressed and alcoholism and suicide rates are up and life spans are shortening because people are depressed and not thankful when there is so much to be thankful for. He talked about how as Christians, we have God's grace to be thankful for - the fact that He saved us when we are so unworthy of saving. We have hope of eternity in Heaven. And so on. The message smacked me in the face. Tears came to my eyes at one point because I realized how truly ungrateful I have been. I needed the message so much. 

I'm working hard to thank God every day for the things He's given me while I continue to wait for the things I'm trying to be patient for. I want to focus on being grateful in this season when it's so hard for some reason. I don't know why I'm going through this, but it has to be an exercise for growth. And I will use it for His glory. 

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Overcome With Emotion/Love/Gratitude/YouNameIt

 

Last night as I was driving to church, I saw, much to my delight, that the Christmas lights were up in downtown Boone!!

My mind went back to last year at about this time, when I left class one night in November (don't remember the date) and saw the lights for the very first time ever. I remember being so overcome with emotion and just pulling into a parking spot and journaling right then and there. I poured my emotions on the paper. 
(I want to find that journal entry when I get home.)

As I drove again, I saw people inside the restaurants downtown, eating with friends and wished I had friends here to eat with (this was when I was living in HP and commuting to Boone two days a week, only coming for work and class, and going back home at night).

I looked forward to this year, knowing I'd have people to eat with on King Street. I knew I'd have at least my brother!

This evening, Kacie and I went downtown and looked around in the Mast General Store, an antique store, and some Appalachian State apparel stores. I could SMELL Christmas in the air. Michael met us for dinner at Jimmy John's.

The snowflake lights were shining, and as we sat and ate supper, I just kept thinking, 
"This is so nice. I'm so glad this is happening. 
This is what I looked forward to last year at this time. 
This is so different from last year. God is so good."

After eating, we picked up Grace and went to Wal-Mart to get a Christmas movie and the mall to just look around. It's sometimes really nice to walk around the mall and not buy anything.

We went back to our apartment and watched Home Alone 2 (one of my all-time favorites) and drank hot chocolate and painted our nails, and my brother and Taylor came and joined us in watching the movie.

It was warm and cozy in the apartment and I knew every line of the Home Alone 2 because I've seen it so many times, and having constants like that in my life is comforting.

Being safe and warm and laughing in good company with Christmas candles going is comforting and wonderful and I loved every minute of it. Christmas is totally in the air, and it was just a special time.

I decided to drive back to High Point after we watched the movie, and after I went through McDonald's to get a large coffee, I got on 421 heading east, and as I drove and listened to Jessica Simpson Christmas hymns I just broke down.

Normally when I leave Boone on Thursday nights I'm pretty emotional, but this time just took the cake.

I was WRECKED... I was FILLED... I was overcome with this gigantic wave of emotions ranging from "Oh my gosh I want to stay and watch more movies in my cozy apartment with my brother and our friends" to "I can't wait to get home and write these feelings down!!!!"

I literally burst into tears, thinking back on my night and how God has perfectly orchestrated everything leading up to this night. 
I thought about how I'd begged and begged for two years for it to be His will for me to attend Appalachian for undergrad, and it clearly, simply was not His will. I was right where I was supposed to be at the time. If only I'd known, if only I'd had more faith and TRUSTED that everything would work out perfectly...

I can't begin to describe the emotions I was feeling tonight, thinking about how glad I am that everything worked out the way it did. I just kept thinking about what a wonderful day and night I had.

I didn't know what else to say or think, so I just kept crying and saying, 
"Thank you so much, Lord. Thank you sooooo much!" over and over and over as I drove down the mountain.

My mind just kept flashing back to that night about a year ago, and how I was alone in my car on King Street, enamored by the beauty of the Christmas decorations, wishing I had someone to enjoy them with, but savoring the time I had alone to take it all in.

And look, now. God has blessed me ABUNDANTLY with people to enjoy the Christmas decorations with.

Okay, here's the slightly eerie part:

I get home around 2:00 am (don't judge) and I find my journal and the page I first see is the one with the entry about the King Street lights.

I read the entry, and I'm amazed at what I see and how everything lines up...

Now, I'm good with remembering dates and things like that, but I PROMISE, I did not remember the date of the day I first saw the lights and wrote the entry. Nor did I remember what I had written.

Reading this entry, I was a little surprised to see exactly how similar it is to what I felt tonight, and that the date was exactly a year ago!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

It's been a wonderful day in Boone! It didn't start so well - I got pulled for running a red light coming into Boone. Luckily, I cried and got out of it. That didn't happen last time I got pulled - ha! .........

[[then I went on to talk about my day and how class went...]]

I read my Bible in my car after class, and I'm loving the book of Exodus. After reading my Bible, I looked down the street and saw light-up snowflakes lining the street in downtown. So of course I had to drive down King Street and look! I put it on 99.5 and heard Christmas music! ...All of King Street is lit up. It's beautiful. The Mast General Store looks amazing. I took some pictures and stopped to write this journal entry. I'm overwhelmed by the feeling that I have so much to be thankful for. I'm so excited for Christmas. I'm so glad I chose App State. So thankful for family and friends. And my journal. And time alone in the car to pray :)

Wow!! How crazy is that - that I was having almost the exact same thoughts pretty much exactly a year ago?? The things I yearned for last year at this exact time are the exact things I have now. God fulfills. He provides. He goes above and beyond.

At this time last year, I knew that I'd be living in Boone now, but I did not know the extent to which I would be enjoying it - with family and friends.

Sure, I have worries right now. I have things in life that are stressing me out. But there's no reason to believe that these things won't work themselves out because God has it all planned out. I see that more and more every single day.

I have goosebumps now!

eBa